most of the organizations and structures in the world around you are designed to take away your individual power. they were designed hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago and their function is to influence you into supporting the system.

by divesting yourself of the encumbrance of the beliefs of others, you become free. but you have to stand alone. it is the only true spiritual path. you need to get your power back. you need to become like a 'gorilla on the path' and walk up to the system and lovingly demand its bone back.

this 'power-surge' cannot be achieved through confrontation. nothing ever comes from blowing up city hall. the sages way is to discipline himself and take back his or her power, then wait while the system exhaust itself - which it will. s. wilde

posted by bluematrix at 02/29/04 09:43 | link | comments

have you ever doubted yourself? i thought so. want to read something really eloquent about the nature of doubt and despair and kicking its ass? then go here and read todays post. (it will help if you enjoyed the lord of the rings)

http://thepelican.motime.com/

posted by bluematrix at 02/26/04 12:56 | link | comments

Every thought or feeling you have about your life, no matter how slight, goes to create the events that are coming towards you. whatever you think and feel about your life today is the scaffolding that builds the events you will experience next week or next month. when the time comes, you will fill in the minor details but the main features of the events already will have been created. your thoughts and feelings mingle with the universal law and the law reflects back to you an exact replica of the spiritual you.

every event, good or bad, is a part of who you are and you must accept total responsibility for your life. you and only you are in charge. once you accept this fully you gain control. you learn that there are no accidents, quirks of fate, or misfortunes. there is only energy: high energy and not-so-high energy. if a bus turns the corner and runs over your foot, this event comes to you through your lack of balance. it is a lesson from the impartial universal law. it will throw you garbage or roses, depending on what you put in. you are in charge. if you think god is going to come down and fix things for you, forget it. god is out playing golf.

if you don't accept this then you are saying "my life is a game of chance, anything can happen. If i make it through this day, it will be sheer luck." funny enough, people really live like that, going from one crisis to another. s. wild

posted by bluematrix at 02/25/04 01:16 | link | comments (8)

thank you gentle reader.

I logged on today to check on a number that increasingly brings a sense of accomplishment to my internet experience - my hit counter - and saw that i had gone over the 1000 mark. now to some blogs (like the ones i link to) 1000 hits is just a good week, but to me, its an honor thats taken months. Its like mom putting up my drawings on the refrigerator when i was a child - visual proof that someone actually does take notice of my meager creative offerings.

I find it more that a little weird that as a visual artist, my first public creative acknowledgement (outside of clients paying for my designwork) comes not from my visual sense but from my writing ability. once i get around to posting pictures here...watch out.

I am reminded again of my friend Dave Cain, a talented writer, who once told me that 'to write without an audience is truly masturbatory, but good practice'. Well i guess at a thousand hits i'm not spanking the monkey quite as much, which is nice.

Last weekend in talking to my friend Mark about being surprised that anyone would actually like a story about being a shirt (like other bloggers, comments are one of the best perks of blogging), i told him my goal out here was to always have a little substance to every post and not just use it as a "i brushed my teeth today" journal kind of thing. To anyone reading this, I give you my word that I will do my best to keep this blog interesting. no guarantees on my format though - on any give day you'll see odd factoids, strange stories, simple prose, philosophical quotes or songs i've written, but i will endeavor to put things here that, like any good creative work, will be candy for the mind, and perhaps even insightful and thought provoking, but at the very least - will not bore you.

again, thank you all very much,

tim

posted by bluematrix at 02/23/04 09:53 | link | comments (4)

Blackwood River

the smell fills my lungs, acidic and dark and tasting of factories, windows shut against the columns of smoke, a layer of soot coats the pane

and i look away there for you

a finger traces a name in the ash, and like hope and every passing sunset, it too gathers dust

still, i look away there for you

but i savor the moment, deliciously blue all over, and i wrap my sadness around me like a blanket, momentarily unraveling in dark intensity, a meloncholy so thick i can taste it

then

the dam holding the river of everyday thoughts breaks, and prys my carefully guarded gloom from my grasp, my mind is forced into the next moment, and then the next, before stopping briefly to look back at the blue blanket

and i look away there from you

posted by bluematrix at 02/22/04 20:32 | link | comments

i was new and fresh and clean and waiting for my life to begin.

i waited, anxious to fulfill my destiny, to realize my potential. i was patient.

and then, one day, it happened. i became the Chosen One, left the others behind and was driven to my new home.

we became inseparable. day and night i clung to the master as he showed me what it was like to be truly alive. to travel and feel the cool spray of the ocean soaking through you and then feel the hot sun slowly drying you, the warm wind speeding up the process.

the feel of a woman in your arms, the softness and oh, the smell. life was perfect.

i was the masters favorite shirt and we went everywhere together. the washings were not very fun, nor were the tumble drys, but it never lasted long and then we were together again. until one day, after a drying, i was waiting to be joined with the master and i was, instead, hung on a doorknob. i was stunned. i watched in amazement as he put on a new shirt and then left, leaving me hanging, looking over the deserted room.

for the first time, i noticed other shirts lying on the floor.

posted by bluematrix at 02/20/04 09:14 | link | comments (4)

'Life's but a walking shadow. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.' - macbeth

I don't think so. death is the opposite of what we think. death is not a taker-away but rather a giver of meaning.

more than anything else, my romance with death has given me a sense of this life. death is a magnificent lover. if you are suffering from a sense of meaninglessness, there is nothing better than to strike up a serious relationship with the end of your existance. like any great love, death is full of mystery and thats where the excitement comes from. because as you struggle with the mystery of your death, you will discover the meaning of your life.

when we are familiar with death, we accept each week, each day, as a gift. but the fact is we live in a cowardly, death denying culture. its a sad state of affairs because we are so afraid of death, we are unable to get close enough to it to see that we have less to fear than we thought. - s. peck

every man dies, but not every man truly lives...don't piss your life away doing something you don't like. this life is not a dress rehearsal, its the real show.

posted by bluematrix at 02/18/04 00:58 | link | comments (2)

sleep is the aphrodisiac of the new millenium.

sleeping is an odd thing. we're not conscious when we do it, so it will ever remain mysterious. take away food, water and sleep and which one will you die of first? lack of sleep.

just what is it? For any animal living in the wild, it just doesn't seem very smart to design in a mandatory eight-hour period of near-total unconsciousness every day (though studies now tell us people who average 7 hours live the longest.) but on the other hand, what a bummer to be a shark, if you fall asleep you die. just keep swimming, just keep swimming. insects don't sleep either, but birds do and they even dream a bit say the scientists studying electroencephalograph readings. but bears hibernate for months. some frogs for years. and some seeds can still sprout after sleeping for centuries. go figure.

gotta have it though. while we sleep we secret chemicals important to the immune system, the body repairs muscles, tissues and damaged cells, the brain organizes and archives memories, and children release a growth hormone. you literally look and feel better after a good nights sleep. for more info you might try going here... http://www.howstuffworks.com/sleep.htm

one third of our life is spent in bed. i know we need it, but i sure wouldn't mind having the extra time.dream on.

posted by bluematrix at 02/14/04 12:03 | link | comments

"The clouds are Father Sky's gift to Mother Earth," said the old man. "When the clouds are full, they open and rain falls. When your mother was full, she opened and you fell to Earth. This is a story about a raindrop like you.

"This raindrop landed in a meadow. Then it joined other drops and they became a trickle. That trickle became a stream and the stream became a river. Then the river flowed into the ocean.

"The sun smiled on the ocean, and some of the water turned into mist. It rose toward Father Sky, where it became a cloud. When the cloud was full it opened, and another raindrop fell to Mother Earth. It was not the same raindrop, but it came from the same ocean. Then it began its journey back to the ocean, too." g.zukav

like bubbles that form on the bottom of a boiling teakettle, souls make their way through the water of the universe until they break free into the limitless atmosphere of illumination. they begin as the souls of the simplest forms of life, but they do not vanish with the death of their original bodies. in the hindu view, the soul no more depends on the body it inhabits than the clothes it wears. when we outgrow a suit we exchange it for a better fitting one, as does the soul. this process is called samsara or reincarnation. h. smith

posted by bluematrix at 02/10/04 09:01 | link | comments (1)

(this was posted yesterday and part 2 is below it. i changed the order for continuity)

it was late afternoon and still pleasantly hot. sitting at the stop sign, i looked out the window of the small rental car. a motley, rust colored chicken tilted its head and then started for the car. i drove thru the dirt intersection and had to stop while a large woman who wore her dress like a circus tent got into a dented pickup truck. while we watched her finagle her way into the front seat, an old puerto rican man with a dark blue greek sailors cap came up to my side of the car. he did not tilt his head.

“you come to see fosforeseent bay?” his thick spanish accent was easy to understand.

“as a matter of fact, thats exactly why we’re here. can you take us to Vieques?” in doing research before our trip i had discovered that out of a handful of places in the world that are home to bioluminescent plankton 3 of the best were in or near the eastern coast of puerto rico. i read that Mosquito Bay on the island of Vieques, several miles off the coast but still visable from where i was standing, had more of the glowing microscopic sea creatures (750,000 per gallon) than anywhere else in the world.

“no no senor, no Vieques. right here i take you to see fosforeseent plankteen.” the website had mentioned Fajardo had a luminescent lagoon too, but it only had 500,000 glowing critters per gallon. plus i figured the ride to the island and back would be good for some adventure too. supposedly, finding fisherman to take you to the island were easy once you found this out of the way bay at the foot of a steep rainforest mountain. “no, we would like to find some one to give us ride to Vieques. i was told there were people here who would take us.”

“no Vieques. fosforeseent plankteen right here, i take you. see, heere ees my card.” i inspected the badly trimmed purple and yellow colorcopy business card. it said captain eduardo had his coast guard license and used to be in the navy. a car honked behind and he shooshed at it to be quiet. i needed to make a decision, and for that i needed rum.

I smiled and said “we’re hungry right now, but we’ll think about it.”

“yays, yays. you tink about it and drink at Blue Dolpin right up there. tell them Eduardo sent you.”

“gracias” i said and slowly drove forward. i thought we would drive around a bit, but the road made a big loop around a waterfront playground / palmtree studded picnic area the size of a football field and pointed us right back towards Eduardo’s intersection. rather than get the sales pitch again we pulled into parking lot shared by the three restaurant bars that served this dead end road. the Blue Dolphin appeared to be our best option and we got out of the car.

posted by bluematrix at 02/08/04 10:48 | link | comments