'Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket and away you go. As you make each passage from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream, sometimes you just hang onto that bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair is messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw up.'

concerning monday's post, i'm not usually into the personal angst thing too much, but sometimes (thankfully not often) it just builds up in me. it makes me feel better to examine it, experience it fully, and then try to express it. oh yea, and tequilla with a good friend (or in this case a sibling) helps make it go away too.

posted by bluematrix at 04/28/05 15:31 | link | comments

sometimes it's all about loss.

i have a friend, i've known since i was muy minúsculo, who used to be able to suckle contently, and just absorb life as it happened

he lost his contentedness when he discovered mobility.

he used to gaze at the halls of knowledge in wonder, at the accumulated wisdom of mankind

then he attended public schools.

he used to have a puppy, which grew into a fine best friend, spending long summer days, exploring the woods nearby

then a speeding car taught him of death and heartache.

he used to worship at the mysteries of the goddess, high on her pedestal, sweet and unknowable

then he lost the mystery along with his virginity.

he used to be able to repair so many things, their inner workings laid bare before his probing hands

then everything became smaller and quite complex.

he used to be able to run all day, and later, play all night, his arms and legs as strong as his youthful heart

now each morning it takes a little longer for the siffness to recede.

he used to make a good living doing things he loved, his skills deemed valuable, his days challenging and exciting

today he wonders if he can feed his family next month.

this friend of mine, (no no, not me compadres, surely not me) who had an unquenchable passion for life and love and knowledge

feels loss seeping into his life, like rainwater into his basement,

and is slow

to rise

from bed

today

posted by bluematrix at 04/25/05 10:41 | link | comments (2)

the malthusian predictions of the 1970's by Ehrlich proved wrong about both about the 4 billion victims of starvation and about declining resources - despite increases in both the number of people on earth (6 billion now) and in the amount of energy and resources consumed by each one. the logic of the arguments seemed impeccable - a lot more mouths each year, and amounts of food not keeping up (horrific famines still occur, but they can almost always be traced to short-lived conditions or to political upheavals the prevent food from reaching the starving.)

the problem is that they underestimate the effects of technological change in increasing resources. farmers grew more crops on the same land, processors transformed more of the crops into edible food, transportation got more food to people before it could spoil or eaten by pests.

you see human material existence is limited by ideas, not by stuff. people don't need coal or copper wire or paper per se; they need ways to heat their homes, communicate with each other and store information. these needs can be satisfied by using new ideas. every new generation has underestimated the the potential for finding new ideas. we consistently fail to grasp how many ideas remain to be discovered. possibilities do not add up, they multiply.

posted by bluematrix at 04/20/05 15:10 | link | comments (1)

ok, don't ask me how i found this. or why i'm posting the link here. or why it scares me. in fact you should probably just go back to whatever you were doing before you clicked on this page. really.

posted by bluematrix at 04/17/05 22:51 | link | comments (4)

work is something that is hardwired into us from countless years as a hunter gatherer going out and literally bringing home the bacon. the loss of it causes men to throw themselves out windows of tall buildings on black friday. the lack of it causes the offspring of the very wealthy to listlessly drift from one drug to the next, from one innane social event to another. what a blessing to be able to do work that one enjoys. more than a blessing really, a necessity for living in balance.

posted by bluematrix at 04/15/05 11:51 | link | comments (2)

'In this kingdom of illusions we grope eagerly for stays and foundations. There is none but a strict and faithful barring of all duplicity or illusion in the privacy of our home. Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves, but deal with honesty and truth. I look upon the simple and childlike virtues of veracity and honesty as the root of all that is sublime in our character. Speak as you think, be what you are, pay your debts of all kinds, make your word your bond. This reality is the foundation of friendship, religion, poetry and art.

One would think from the talk of men, that riches and poverty were a great matter; and our civilization greatly respects it. But the Indians say, that they do not think the white man always toiling, afraid of the heat and cold, and keeping within doors, has any advantage over them. The permanent interest of every man is, never to be in a false position, but to have the weight of Nature to back him in all he does. Riches or poverty are a thick or thin costume; and our life - the life of all of us - identical. For we transcend continually, and taste the real quality of existence; our employment differs only in the manipulations. Our thoughts wear no silks. We can see God face to face every hour, and know the savor of Nature.' - Ralph Waldo Emerson

posted by bluematrix at 04/13/05 12:35 | link | comments (1)

those last two entries were inspired after watching an amazing piece of creativity, a dvd i that just was released at blockbuster called 'what the BLEEP' do we know?' it takes many of the coolest books i've read over the last 10 years on quantum mechanics, particle physics, eastern philosophy, physiology, psychology and illustrates them using all the tricks at the disposal in the audio visual medium we call movies. it uses cool music, great animations, good acting, and interviews with brilliant people excitedly talking about life, death, religion, the origins and nature of the universe, emotional pain and suffering.

watch it and prepare to have your brain exercised to the point of exhaustion or exhilaration. i got so excited i wrote the two pieces below and then had to take a late night ride for hours trying to get my mind around it. tres cool.

posted by bluematrix at 04/13/05 12:29 | link | comments

its all about doors

doors to perception

doors to reality

and what is behind door #3?

is that a door or a reflection of a door? and how do i tell the difference?

its the same particle going thru both doors, depending on which one i'm looking at

its about the door you choose after the coin toss

is that a new door or the light from the doorway hitting the bricks just so in my dark bedroom?

or maybe its just a drug opening a door in my brain allowing enzymes to be released

or a memory of the chamber of 32 doors off broadway

knock, knock, knockin on heavens door

the door as a segue from this moment to the next

open the door and change one form of matter (food) into another form (calories/energy) that allow this matter (me) to continue on its current itteration

the door beckons me into that darkness filled with night...i have my hand on the doorknob...

and now i'm back

don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out

posted by bluematrix at 04/09/05 01:50 | link | comments (2)

uni______verse

one_____song

vibrating____particles

undulating___waves

fractal__experience

my_song

universe

posted by bluematrix at 04/09/05 01:39 | link | comments (1)

space photos can be so cool. and not just because of the way they look (which admittedly all tend to look a bit the same after awhile) but in trying to grasp the enormity of what some of the pics represent. its great exercise for your brain to stretch itself to the scale of universe. the image at the left is a NASA photo of the galaxy Centaurus A a mere 10 million miles away. (click on my link to the cosmic photo of the day to get more brain aerobics).

what you're seeing is a fantastic jumble of young blue star clusters, gigantic glowing gas clouds, and imposing dark dust lanes surrounding the central region of this active galaxy. the image was processed to present a natural color picture of this cosmic maelstrom taken by the Hubble Space Telescope.

even wilder is that hidden at the center of this activity are what seem to be disks of matter spiraling into a black hole with a billion times the mass of the Sun! Centaurus A itself is apparently the result of a collision of two galaxies and the left over debris is steadily being consumed by the black hole.

i guess i'm a geek for getting excited by this kind of stuff, but the thought of entire galaxies colliding and then being slowly eaten by a black hole kind of blows my mind.

posted by bluematrix at 04/04/05 13:25 | link | comments (3)