the greeks did not write obituaries. when a man died they asked if he lived with passion. so if i were to die tomorrow, would those who knew me answer 'yes, tim lived with passion'? certainly at times, but not consistently, would be the honest response.

i had hoped a week of hiking in the majesty of zion and grand canyon national parks would have sparked something in the cooling embers of my life. fun, beautiful, enjoyable, but not the spark i was hoping for. i'm searching in earnest now, not quite desperate, but anxious for answers to this lull in my joie de vivre. it seems just out of reach, just around the next bend, just a little further down the path. my intuition is usually a good guide, and perhaps it still is and i am just not listening hard enough. i keep getting this nagging sense that perhaps its right in front of me - a creative, spiritual, financial course that will fan the flames and i keep looking past it.

perhaps if i consult the worldly wise prawn...

posted by bluematrix at 11/27/06 23:10 | link | comments (3)

i don't need to be rich. or famous. that would be nice, but i don't pine for it. in my youth i imagined i would be those things, but i never obsessed on it.

i just want to make interesting pictures for people to look at. i just want to write stories that give people hope, even when i have little myself. i just want to compose songs that when heard, lighten the heart if only a little while. i just want to make things with my hands that work and are pleasing to the eye. i just want to take broken things and fix them. i just want to share what little i've learned about life and love and happiness and creativity, as others before me have done for me.

i also want a roof over my head, food on the table, the love and respect of my friends and family, and to be able to visit beautiful places now and then.

is that too much to ask?

sometimes it is i guess.

'we all eventually drown in a sea of our own making.'

posted by bluematrix at 11/13/06 09:03 | link | comments (4)