you've never seen a people with as little time as westerners, even though we have homes filled with time and work-saving objects. 'time is money' the saying goes' and we even apply banking language to - talking about 'saving', 'investing' and 'wasting' time.

but the quest to spend time the way we do money is doomed to failure, because the time we experience bears little relation to time on a clock. our brain creates its own time, and it's this inner time, not clock time, that guides our actions. In the space of an hour, we can accomplish a great deal — or very little.
inner time is linked to activity. to measure time, the brain uses circuits that are designed to monitor physical movement. inner time can run faster or slower depending upon how we move our bodies — as any tai chi master knows.

the brain’s inclination to distort time is one reason we so often feel we have too little of it. one in three americans feels rushed all the time. even the cleverest use of time-management techniques is powerless to augment the sum of minutes in our life (some 52 million, optimistically assuming a life expectancy of 100 years), so we squeeze as much as we can into each one.

go to the poor third world countries and ask, "Do you have a little time to talk?"  "The rest of my life," they'll say, and sit down and share themselves with you for the afternoon.
 
we should have more time than anybody, but we don't have any time at all.  we've defined freedom falsely as an outer thing, in terms of time, space and options.  americans think they're free if they have more options.  in fact we're paralyzed by them - with so many choices, we don't have to surrender to any one of them.  there's always another door to open.  we are pushed around by our options and kept busy fixing our time-saving appliances.

take a deep breath, tell yourself time is merely an invention, and slow the hell down.

posted by bluematrix at 07/16/08 22:18 | link | comments (4)

so today it's all about doors...

doors to perception

doors to reality

what's behind door #3?

is that a door or a reflection of a door? and how do i tell the difference?

its the same particle going thru both doors, depending on which one i'm looking at

its about the door you choose after the coin toss

is that a door or the light from the doorway hitting the wall just so in my bedroom?

or maybe its just an endoorphin opening a door in my brain allowing enzymes to be released

or a memory of the chamber of 32 doors off broadway

doorene tells me to shut up and rolls over

god closing the door but opening the window and letting some air in

knock knock knockin on heaven's door

i know, i'm a doork sometimes

the weird gargoyle door knocker staring back at me

the door as a segue from this moment to the next

the underwater doorway mural i did in jeffe's recording studio

is jim morrison really dead as doornail?

the open door policy of changing one form of matter (food) into another form (calories/energy) that allows this matter (me) to continue on its current iteration

the door that beckons me into that darkness filled with light

- i have my hand on the doorknob...

posted by bluematrix at 07/08/08 19:39 | link | comments (1)

the void. emptiness. its not what it seems. what is it about a taoist landscape painting that seems so refreshing to so many different kinds of people? the negative space, or whats not filled in. what is it about fresh snow, clean air, pure water? or good music? its about the space between the notes.

like silence after noise, or cool clear water on a hot stuffy afternoon, emptiness clears up the messy mind and charges the spiritual batteries.

many people are afraid of emptiness because they think of it as loneliness. so they fill everything in. they fill their calendars and their homes and their minds and their yards...and then thats when the loneliness sets in. quick, turn on the tv and make it go away. but it doesn't go away. it just gets pushed under the rug for awhile.

the tao te ching tells us in chapter 48, 'to attain knowledge, add things every day. to attain wisdom, remove things every day.'

when you get a great idea, and try to trace it back all the way to where it came from what do you eventually find? nothing. the void. emptiness.

in quantum field theories, the classical contrast between the solid particles and the space surrounding them is no longer valid. the quantum field is just a continuous medium present everywhere. in fact what we call 'matter' is just a disturbance of the perfect state of the field (the void), ripples on an otherwise still pond. einstein tells us, 'we may therefore regard matter as being constituted by the regions of space in which the field is extremely intense. there is no place in this new kind of physics for both field and matter, for the field is the only reality.'

eastern mystics have been saying this for thousands of years. the upanishads, a part of the holy hindu scriptures, tells us this underlying void (field) is not to be taken as mere nothingness, 'Joy, verily, that is the same as the Void. the Void, verily that is the same as Joy.' budhists call the ultimate reality Sunyata or 'emptiness' or 'void' which gives birth to all forms and phenomena.

this idea of an underlying quantum field is also central to the taoist notion of ch'i which literally means 'gas' or 'ether' and denotes the vital breath or energy animating the cosmos. it is tenuous and non-perceptable, present throughout space and can condense into solid objects. in the human body, the pathways of the ch'i are the basis of chinese medicine and the aim of acupuncture is to stimulate this flow. the flow of ch'i is also the basis of t'ai ch'i, the dance of the warrior. the confucist chang tsai says, 'when chi condenses, its visibility becomes apparent, when it disperses, it is no longer apparent. at the time of its condensation can one say otherwise that is but temporary? but then when it disperses can one say then it is non-existent? the great Void cannot but consist of chi.'

empty your mind and be still for a few moments. if you can.

posted by bluematrix at 06/30/08 23:06 | link | comments (2)

reading this really deep book by the author of zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, robert pirsig, called 'lila'. its got me thinking...

there is a battle forever going on within me. it is the battle of the intelligence of my mind and the intelligence of my cells.

sometimes, very rarely, in my darkest moments, the intelligence of my mind can't think of a good reason to live, but i go on anyways because the intelligence of my cells can't think of a good reason to die.

my cellular intelligence has been around for millions of years and it is not about to be put off by these recent intellectual patterns that is my current consciousness. my cells want immortality, they want to be passed on thru the generations to try and live forever. they're so old. they pay no attention to my mind. in their scale of time, my mind intelligence is something that just arrived a few moments ago, and will probably pass away in a few moments more.

these two intelligences co-exist but really don't interact much. the language of the cells has nothing directly to say to my mind nor my mind to my cells...they don't even speak the same language. everything 'i' am really is just software running on this current conglomeration of 'hardware' that is 'my' body. when i sleep, 'i' don't exist anymore than a software program exists inside a computer with the power off.

when mutation was the only means of genetic change, life sat around for 3 billion years, doing almost no changing at all. once they figured out how to break the barriers of mitosis and reproduce sexually, my cells have a been on a mission. sometimes the 'me' in this body can look at this cellular-based sex and find it all so intellectually base or funny or vulgar. but then as if by magic, lose all trace of funny and can experience it as high-octane attraction. my mind, sitting detached, aloof, and seemingly in control is suddenly rudely shoved aside by this other intelligence which is stronger than its own, and 'my' body slips into a kind of sexual cruise control. sometimes our morality filled minds are mystified at the things our bodies do without our permission... our cellular intelligence just laughs.

posted by bluematrix at 06/21/08 17:57 | link | comments (1)

the word inspire comes from the words 'in' and 'spirit'. wayne dyer tells us one way to become inspired is to place your thoughts on what it is you want to become - an artist, musician, trainer, etc. start reading magazines related to your chosen topic. start going to websites devoted to it. begin to picture yourself having the skills to do these things. lose the doubts, and picture yourself confident in your new skills. then begin acting as if you already had these skills. get out in front of yourself and take charge of your destiny at the same time you're cultivating inspiration. the better you can visualize it, the more inspired you will be.
 
dormant within you are forces you are probably completely unaware of, ready to collaborate with you, once you get the courage to act. and acting this way is not deception, it is a silent pact with you and the underlying force of the universe. you pull towards you what you constantly think about.
 
i remember reading when david bowie first started in the music biz, he was the typical poor musician, but he spent his money on expensive clothes and arrived in limosines and just exuded what he wanted to become - a rock star. and people just figured he had become that already by the way he acted and the things he surrounded himself with - and treated him accordingly.

when i first became interested in sailing, i thought i would get started by just looking at sailing magazines. i never noticed all of them in magazine racks before. then a month later on a photoshoot, the photographer told me of a lake not too far from here with a marina with good sized sailboats - i had no idea it was there or that there were big sailboats there. i pretended to be interested in buying one and soon i was out on the lake with one of the owners on his 30' sloop. later that winter a little cash fell into my lap about a year after i started focusing on sailboats, i had a 24' cabin cruiser and spent most of the weekends for the next 6 years sailing. i eventually obtained my American Sailing Association level 3 Charter's license which is a piece of paper that i can show and chartering companies will turn over the keys to sail boats up to 50' long to me. renting large catamarans in the bahamas, the keys and the caribbean, complete with queen size beds, a/c, galleys with microwaves, stereos, and little inflatable dinghys in tow behind came next.

one of the best books on self improvement ever written, 7 habits of highly effective people, has as one of its habits - begin with the end in mind. visualize being where you want to go, keep it fresh in your mind with little reminders, and you'll be surprised on how many little things pertaining to your vision start dropping into your life. the universe will provide for you - but it doesn't know what you want until you tell it.

posted by bluematrix at 06/14/08 07:43 | link | comments (2)

april 19, 1995 was a very bad day for america. until the 9/11 attacks, the deadliest act of terrorism on U.S. soil was the bombing of a federal building in oklahoma city. the attack claimed 168 lives (including young children in a daycare center in the building) and left over 800 people injured.

today i visited the memorial site. it was tastefully done with a reflecting pool and 168 metal and glass chairs (19 smaller ones for children), arranged in 9 rows (one for each floor) and set on a field of grass where the building used to be. the chairlike monuments (which light up at night) were like tombstones at a gravesite. along the outer perimeter there is a chain link fence where people continue to attach little memorial pieces in remembrance - anything from a key chain to a photo collage of a victim, to a wreath with a poem inside hung bravely in the strong wind and 96 degree heat today. one was a picture of two teenage girls today and one from when they were very young 13 years ago when they survived the blast but their mother did not.

i did not take the tour in the building next door but did read some horrific stories in some of the books sold in the lobby. one showed a pair of pictures - one of a beautiful 2 year old girl and another a crying fireman holding her charred, lifeless body amidst the smoking rubble. another one told how a women was conducting a meeting with 9 of her staff in a conference room. one minute she's up there talking to them and the next minute they are all gone and she is looking down 8 floors where rubble where the portion of the building they were sitting in - mere feet away - had collapsed.

i pictured myself in our conference room and tried to imagine what that would be like. it was a very discomforting thought. i began to think about places in the world where dealing with violence like this was (is) a part of life. it puts into perspective times when i get upset about have a project turn out poorly or even dealing with the pain of cutting my finger...i have no idea what real violence is like.

there were some strong vibes coming from this place.

posted by bluematrix at 06/06/08 12:20 | link | comments

i read recently that to get rid of a negative thought you have to think three positive thoughts to replace it. the formula sounded a bit arbitrary, but the logic seemed decent so i gave it a try. it seems to work. at first it felt awkward and forced, but after awhile it got a little easier.

our thoughts are the source of virtually everything in our life. pretty much the only way you can experience another person is in your thoughts. you can never really get into their head and experience what they’re thinking, so the vast majority of your relationship with them is how you build them up in your mind.

if you look for what’s wrong in another person and store that negative image in your head, that’s what your relationship with them is. likewise if you look for positive things about them, just by thinking those thoughts your relationship with that person is completely different - even though you both are exactly the same as when you were thinking negatively about them. granted, this is much easier to do in a new relationship when you are projecting all kinds of positive traits on that person - traits that they may or may not have, but is still very possible to do in any relationship. for instance, have you ever broke up with someone and then found yourself wanting them back...only after others found them attractive? what happened was that you processed that person on the basis of what you thought they should be, or who they were. you built up this negative image of them - then when others did not validate that image, you started seeing, and remembering, them differently.

we can’t stop a negative thought from entering our head. when they do we should not feel guilty for it having popped into our head, because we can't control it. but we can beat down any negative thoughts by consciously thinking of three positive ones - instead of dwelling on the crappy one that wants to suck us in.

posted by bluematrix at 05/27/08 20:27 | link | comments (1)

so having been blogging for a few years now, i've noticed there are a few guidelines that one should follow if one wants any return visitors. the main one is post regularly. so many people discover blogging, throw themselves into it, posting all the time...and then run out of gas in a few months. like a few other things i can think of, its better to pace yourself and enjoy a long pleasurable experience.

another guideline is to refrain from posting your own poetry, because 99 times of out 100, we tend to think its better than it really is. most likely this is because we can, of course, relate to what's going on the poem better than others and can detect the subtle nuances that made us want to write it down in the first place. chances are, others can not.

on the other hand, one of the best things about blogging is that you can write whatever you damn please. so if you don't like personal, mushy prose, please come back next week and i'll have something a bit more intellectual (though really analyzing decent prose can be a fairly good intellectual exercise). but for anyone who's ever had a great beach vacation with someone special, i invite you to read the first poem i've written in quite a few months.

on a clear day
i can see four smiles

the first is when i awake before you
it's ever so slight - you're still mostly asleep

the second comes in a maldives straw market
you turn to me, happy and victorious
the colorful scarf a trophy to your bargaining skills

the third comes in a hammock late afternoon
eyes closed, wine glass in hand, head in my lap
my fingers sliding through your sun-warmed hair
if a purring cat could smile, this is what it would look like

the fourth is as old as time itself
but made fresh again this night
with skin hunger
sparks from the beach fire as you wet your lips
enflames us both
so many temptations on this menu
i want to try them all

soon i will see the first smile all over again
.

posted by bluematrix at 05/17/08 10:48 | link | comments (6)

below is the summary paper for one of my graduate classes that just ended

INSDSG 655 – Multi-Media Project Spring ’08

Reflections on the course and Second Life


Let me begin by saying that I found this course to be quite enlightening. Being of a curious nature, well read, and fairly tech literate, it is quite rare for me to taken by surprise by a technology that has been out for years and known by millions. But this is exactly what happened after I decided to do my multi-media project focusing on Second Life.

I had heard of Second Life before through Wired magazine and other publications. Without actually experiencing it, I had written it off as a video game, a virtual sex medium, and/or an over-hyped business model (a combination which in retrospect should have been enough to at least pique my interest). After spending a semester exploring this online 3D world, I would have to agree to these assessments being at least partially true.

However, it doesn’t seem that long ago that I heard these same criticisms leveled at another emerging technology, the internet.

Whether or not SL becomes the next big thing, the main point of the presentation I made with my partner Hallie, was that it seems logical to assume that the masses will eventually prefer a 3D online environment over the current 2D one. And as the current reigning online 3D environment, SL offers a tantalizing glimpse into the near future.

Pursuing my masters degree in an all online program and working in a large corporate training environment, has put me in a position to appreciate the educational opportunities that a robust 3D environment offers. Exploring e-learning technologies is part of my job description, and my initial research leads me to believe those involved with e-learning activities may be the first ‘legitimate’ (as opposed to entertainment, porn, and SL specific accessories) businesses to have a truly viable, successful SL stronghold.

There has been much press about the failures of big corporations to attract visitors to inworld places like the Coke Pavillion. My guess is that the early users/adaptors of SL are still in the fun, exploration phase of this new medium and initial attempts of traditional business to attract them to their brands hold little attraction to this tech savvy bunch. In other words, the general public, with all its consumer-oriented buying power and volume of traffic, have not jumped into this new, computer and bandwidth-taxing medium yet.

Perhaps it will be similar to when artists move into lofts in decaying downtown areas and make a stronghold. Soon restaurants and retailers emerge to meet this new ‘hip’ market. Then these renewed neighborhoods become viable destinations and populations (and prices) rise. The schools and corporations establishing inworld training facilities may provide the foothold needed for the medium to take off.

Regardless of the outcome, I’ve found exploring the educational aspects of this exciting new medium during the course of the semester to be an interesting and valuable learning experience itself.

posted by bluematrix at 05/08/08 22:06 | link | comments (1)

anyone who’s read this blog for any length of time knows that i spend a lot of time writing about personal development concepts that i’ve come across. there are very things we can do in our spare time that pay off as well as working on improving ourselves – how we do things and how we look at the world. for many years i was content to just absorb other peoples creativity in the form of fictional books and movies. often these things would bring me some pleasure (pleasure is good) and sometimes i would even learn things.

but eventually it got to a point where it wasn’t doing it for me anymore. i was spending too much time experiencing life vicariously thru other peoples creativity secondhand and not enough of the harder, but more satisfying, firsthand experiences.

one of the books that had a great influence on me getting off my butt was steven covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. habit 7 in that book was one of the more important ones and he called “Sharpen the Saw.” covey uses the common analogy of a woodcutter who is sawing for several days straight and is becoming less and less productive. the process of cutting dulls the blade and the solution is to periodically sharpen the saw.

steve pavlina who’s blog is a great treasure of developmental reading had this to say about habit #7:
I’ve found that in practice most people fail to understand what sharpening the saw really means. If you’re overworking yourself and your productivity begins to fall off, common wisdom says to take a break, maybe even go on vacation. However, that isn’t sharpening the saw — that’s putting the saw down. When you put down a dull blade for a while, the blade will still be dull when you pick it up again.

Sharpening the saw is actually an activity, just as the analogy suggests. Think about what it would mean to sharpen the saw of your life. Here are some saw-sharpening ideas:
1. Exercise
2. Improve your diet
3. Educate yourself (read, listen to audio programs, attend a seminar)
4. Learn a new skill
5. Join a club
6. Meditate
7. Write in your journal
8. Have a deep conversation with someone
9. Set some new goals or review/update your old goals
10. Organize your home or office
11. Go out on a date
12. Clear out a bunch of little tasks that you’ve been putting off
13. Read this blog
Now the woodcutter can’t just alternate between cutting wood and sharpening the saw indefinitely. Downtime is needed too, but it isn’t the same as sharpening the saw. The woodcutter can become even more productive by sharpening the blade, studying new woodcutting techniques, working out to become stronger, and learning from other woodcutters.

Forgetting to intentionally sharpen the saw can lead to a feeling of burnout. If you merely alternate between productive work and downtime, your production capacity will drop off. You’re still working hard, but you don’t feel as productive as you think you should be. When you sharpen yourself regularly, you’ll find that you can flow along at a steady pace week after week without getting burnt out.

Whenever I feel burnt out or overwhelmed, taking a day or two off helps a little, but not very much. What yields a much greater benefit for me is attending a weekend seminar, reading an inspiring book, or having an interesting conversation. It’s common to see people return from a conference with a notable spike in motivation that lasts for weeks. But this isn’t really a break or a vacation — going to a conference is an activity, but it’s the kind that often increases energy and motivation.

How are your various blades doing? Your skills, your knowledge, your mind, your physical body, your relationships, your motivation, your commitment, your capacity for enjoyment, your emotions — are all of them still sharp? If not, which ones are dull, and what can you do to sharpen them?

posted by bluematrix at 04/29/08 21:37 | link | comments (2)